Giving Your Child Clear Directions

Getting your child's attention and giving clear, step-by-step directions will help your child do what you want. Praising kids for doing what you ask helps them feel proud and makes them more likely to follow directions in the future. Kids are most likely to follow directions that are clear and simple.

• When you give a direction, make sure you have your child's full attention.

• Talk with your child calmly and with a friendly tone of voice.

• Make eye contact and say your child's name.

Here are some helpful tips for giving instructions:

• Use simple words and short sentences:

  • Don't say: "It's been a while since lunch. That means it's almost snack time. I'll get something ready while you come into the kitchen and sit in your chair."

  • DO say: "Time for your snack. Let's get you in your chair."

• Give one direction at a time: 

  • Don't say: "Please get dressed, brush your hair, make your bed, and come to the kitchen for breakfast."

  • DO say: "Please get dressed." When your child has done that, say, "Great, you're all dressed!" Then say, "Please brush your hair," and so on until your child has done all the tasks.

• Break bigger tasks into easy steps: 

  • Don't say: "Clean your room."

  • DO say: "Put your toys in the toy box." Then, "Put your pillow on the bed." Tell kids exactly what to do, one step at a time. Some kids need help with these tasks at first, so show your child by doing the task together.

• Say what you do want, rather than what you don't want: 

  • Don't say: "Stop yelling."

  • DO say: "Use a quiet voice, please."

• Use clear action words: 

  • Don't say: "Be good." (A child may not know what you want when you say that.)

  • DO say: "Sit here quietly and wait, please."

• When giving directions, don't make it sound like a question. Use questions only when you want to give your child a choice (for example, "Do you want the blue one or the yellow one?"). When giving directions:

  • Don't say: "It's time for dinner, OK?" or, "Are you ready for dinner?" Doing so gives your child an opportunity to say no.

  • DO say: "Come to the table, please."

• Make your direction the last thing you say: 

  • Don't say: "Get your jacket on. We need to go to the store to get a birthday present for Matthew."

  • DO say: "John, we need to get a birthday present for Matthew. Please put your jacket on."

• Your child continues to have trouble following directions.

• You feel very frustrated and worry that you may hit or hurt your child.

What if my child doesn't follow a direction? After you give a direction, pause and give your child a moment to take in what you say. If your child does not follow your direction:

1. Say it again, calmly (if you seem angry or upset, your child might make a game of resisting).

2. If your child still doesn't do what you say, help your child to get the task started without scolding. For example, calmly pull the chair out and put the snack on the table.

3. If your child still doesn't cooperate, gently give a warning. For example: "You can't have a snack until you come to the table." If your child does what you asked, smile and say, "Thanks."

4. If your child still does not do what you asked, follow through with a consequence; for example, put the snack away.